I make mistakes

So, here is the thing, quiet honestly, I make mistakes. Tonnes of them. Its generally hard for people to admit to it. They would never take the blame, fight over who's fault it was and then ultimately, not talk to each other for a bunch of weeks until one caves and sheds his/her ego and makes up for the whole issue. But, I have no problem in accepting it(for now, at least). I'm not talking about tiny things like who left the milk out or who crashed the car! I mean big life changing decisions, where the only one accountable is me and the only one who is answerable to is also me! Its between me. The impact of my decision is also being borne by me. Obviously, when it comes to the big decisions there are a lot of things to consider and in turn a lot of things that can screw the whole thing up. It has happened. The momentary feeling of discomfort forces one to consider bringing change in the whole situation, not considering its long term impacts. And oh boy, is it some pain later on! You realize that you made a mistake and then the really tough time starts. Because you don't have to live with just the wrong rearranging you did, there is also the feeling of guilt and regret. Then the constant thinking, what ifs! All night long, eyes wide open, you stare at the ceiling, going over everything that was or could have been and what you made it! Its disturbingly sad. Then comes the next stage, the making peace with your decision stage. It involves trying to make yourself believe in the 'everything happens for a reason' and 'a door closes, a window will open' theories. But, in the end, by depriving yourself of that satisfaction, the happiness , you've deprived yourself of a peace and granted yourself a restless alternate reality. Just have to live with everything it comes with from here on. Accepting that you make mistakes doesn't make much difference. Because no matter who made the mistake, you are still in the same state, there is just one less thing to be upset about, the guilt. :|

I know I didn't finish my last blog. But, now I have lost the string of thoughts so I am finding it a little difficult to get back to it. So, I'll just say that I have a problem fitting in. but then it does nothing to stop me. Its not like I need social interactions to keep me going. I'm pretty independent that way. And I don't exactly believe that I am a loner. Anyway, its nice to be able to connect with people. But still am here to do something monumental, that's what I am concentrating on, for now. :)