Somehow after everything that has happened, after all that I have left or taken up, after growing up as much as I have, I still feel something holding me back. This was supposed to be a new beginning. First year of college, new people, new places, some parts of the old. They were all supposed to just change me! make me see what is important and what is not. And it did.
But what I didn't consider in my calculations of the better part of the "change" was even after seeing it all, knowing it all, I need something more to actually act. A push? An opportunity? NO!! I have had both of them, the push and the opportunity. But there is something missing. I don't know what. But, external pushes are fine for starters. You know, to make you think along those lines, to make you consider new things, to make you take note of such opportunities. But then for you to actually take those last few steps there is a push from inside!!!!
I don't have that, yet. I need it(or so I am told, and made to see). i don't know if I am just afraid or it is my mind's way of telling me that its just not worth the effort. But the thinking has got me all messed up.
P.s.: Wow, its like I am creating new problems each day for me to deal with. Yay me!! :\
