Somehow after everything that has happened, after all that I have left or taken up, after growing up as much as I have, I still feel something holding me back. This was supposed to be a new beginning. First year of college, new people, new places, some parts of the old. They were all supposed to just change me! make me see what is important and what is not. And it did.
But what I didn't consider in my calculations of the better part of the "change" was even after seeing it all, knowing it all, I need something more to actually act. A push? An opportunity? NO!! I have had both of them, the push and the opportunity. But there is something missing. I don't know what. But, external pushes are fine for starters. You know, to make you think along those lines, to make you consider new things, to make you take note of such opportunities. But then for you to actually take those last few steps there is a push from inside!!!!
I don't have that, yet. I need it(or so I am told, and made to see). i don't know if I am just afraid or it is my mind's way of telling me that its just not worth the effort. But the thinking has got me all messed up.
P.s.: Wow, its like I am creating new problems each day for me to deal with. Yay me!! :\
8 comments:
Taking a step needs no push, just will; and will often creates the opportunity, though not always. Sounds to me as though the will is missing, or it isn't strong enough. Maybe your inner self is telling you that the present direction of flow isn't best for you. I'm a great one for going with instinct and the heart.
Sorry if this is a bit pretentious. I couldn't think of a better way to put it.
That's the thing. I am torn between the "instinct" and the "Insufficient will power". I don't know what to make of it.
umm...what do u think this push wud lead you to.. ?? temme....
Ah, well. I don't want to get into the details of the matter. :)
Difficult. It strikes me as possible that instinct and insufficient will power are part of the same thing. Maybe the deeper part of your instinct is telling you to hold back. Or maybe it's courage that's lacking. How can I know?
How can anyone know. :)
I guess that's where experience comes in. :)
Simple solution: 1st step - delete the words "Im cool with it/ Im ok with it" from ur dictionary :) my next comment will come in after a week of observation n so will yours ;)
I am getting better at it. Don't you worry. :)
The usage has come down to 2-3 times from 5-7 times a day. :)
Post a Comment