I know this day seems unreal but then every big change in life is unreal at first. I don't know what brought this on. if what I did was the cause or just a push. or was it something that made you snap, because of your baggage. if the friendship we had was ever true then no matter how many chances it would have needed you would have given them to me to make it work, to fix it. but slowly with every failed attempt I make, every time you reject me, every time you reinforce that wall it seems like its you, not me. this has only very little to do with me. maybe this is your baggage . something you're finding hard to deal with.
what am I supposed to do? try and break that wall? keep waiting outside your door? I am doing that. I've tried a million times to climb over the barbed wire fence you've put around you, I've been hurt in the effort. I've bled. I've cried in pain. I've been weak and I've become stronger. but I still find it hard to find the strength to let you go. to find it in myself to accept this and me on. I'm supposed to, eventually. I'm not sure if I should. if something hurt you so bad I should help you. I should barge in, break the door down, take your hand, stand beside you and help you through it. but I'm not sure if that is what you want. so I'm not gonna break the door down. I'm not going to intrude. but I'm still there, outside, sitting on the porch, waiting by the barbed wire fence and the hungry growling dogs you've kept to keep me out, until you decide to let me in. I'm never leaving. I'll start my own life separate from you, but still a small space in my heart and mind and life for the possibility of you coming back.

the truth is I Will never trust you again, the truth is I Will never tell you what or how I feel, at least not if its something that would require support from you, the truth is I Will never lean on you or cry on your shoulder . then what is it that I'm waiting for? if there is goin to be no truth in our friendship? maybe I want to give back. maybe I want to give you the opportunity to trust me, to tell me how you really feel deep down so I can be your support system, to be the shoulder that'll always be there for you to cry on, full of warmth and love. maybe i want to show you how its done . to show you even after someone makes mistakes, even after someone breaks your heart into a million pieces and leaves you on your own to put it back together you can still love them, you can still have faith enough to sow the torn bits together looking forward to a full recovery. but what good is all this thought and commitment and faith if you never want to learn. not good at all, my love, not good at all.