I know this day seems unreal but then every big change in life is unreal at first. I don't know what brought this on. if what I did was the cause or just a push. or was it something that made you snap, because of your baggage. if the friendship we had was ever true then no matter how many chances it would have needed you would have given them to me to make it work, to fix it. but slowly with every failed attempt I make, every time you reject me, every time you reinforce that wall it seems like its you, not me. this has only very little to do with me. maybe this is your baggage . something you're finding hard to deal with.
what am I supposed to do? try and break that wall? keep waiting outside your door? I am doing that. I've tried a million times to climb over the barbed wire fence you've put around you, I've been hurt in the effort. I've bled. I've cried in pain. I've been weak and I've become stronger. but I still find it hard to find the strength to let you go. to find it in myself to accept this and me on. I'm supposed to, eventually. I'm not sure if I should. if something hurt you so bad I should help you. I should barge in, break the door down, take your hand, stand beside you and help you through it. but I'm not sure if that is what you want. so I'm not gonna break the door down. I'm not going to intrude. but I'm still there, outside, sitting on the porch, waiting by the barbed wire fence and the hungry growling dogs you've kept to keep me out, until you decide to let me in. I'm never leaving. I'll start my own life separate from you, but still a small space in my heart and mind and life for the possibility of you coming back.