So, what does letting go mean? Forgetting about somethings? Giving up hope on things ever changing? Making peace with it? Even if these things happen does it mean you have let go or moved on? I think its more than just being indifferent. And there are certain vestiges of attachment that still remain. the old habits you had, you just can't let go. Like saying certain things while signing off or keeping texts or old nicknames. No matter what, these things are hard to let go of.
Its like this, you know you don't care. you share this simple friendship. But then, you don't delete their texts like you delete everyone else's(barring a few ;)), you still pay more than the normal amount of attention to what they say, you devote more time and mind to what you say to them(probably cuz they are just smarter than you and you don't want to sound dumb. nevertheless). Why do you do that even though you are fine with it all?
Yes, true, some friends are always at a much special place than most and you do treat them better than the others. But you just feel it, that this is not because of the special place crap. This is at a completely different level! a different thing all together. And you phone keeps buzzing at every text you get. Screaming at you that your message memory is full!!! Delete your texts! And you just can't delete them. These text are nothing special. They aren't funny or memorable like the rest of them. Just simple 'Hi's and 'Hello's. But you can't and won't delete them! WHY?
The fact of the matter is, they shouldn't mean anything to you. And in your head they don't, you know, when you think about it. But it happens. It does.
The good thing, I finally did get rid of them. The excess baggage! Just picked all of them and deleted them. Except one, the special one. At least now everyone is an equal in my inbox. Well, ALMOST. :)
8 comments:
so true swati :) bt i wudnt call it baggage, no no :) bt ur right abt giving everybody equal space, i try my best too ;) with my inbox..tuff job it is! bt i STILL wudnt call it baggage :) i'd simply call them 'memories'..
I'm the same, Swati. Keeping little bits so that the hole isn't quite completely empty. I'm sure it means you haven't fully let go yet. Getting rid of all the 'baggage' helps speed the process, though, as you've obviously realised. It's tough being both sensitive and intelligent, isn't it?
Panvi- It is like excess baggage. I mean, I don't want that baggage. I don't need it. So "excess" baggage. Or memories as you would like to call it.
And yes, your inbox is always full. :P
JJ- You are right. The hole isn't quite completely closed. Attempts have been there to close it up. But I guess, somehow I am not doing my best. Maybe deep down I just don't want to. On the surface I do. But all these things make me think if maybe I don't want it.
Oh, it is soooooo tough being sensitive!! Then intelligent adds more. Keep evaluating everything!!!!
I've found that letting go happens in two stages. The decision to let go starts the process, but the completion happens later in its own time. It's rarely as simple as 'that's it. I've let go now.' The same thing happened to a friend of mine recently. Her attachment to somebody was extremely powerful, and it took about two years for the door to finally close.
Why is everything so complicated!?
I assume that was a rhetorical question. Even at my age, I still ask it.
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