So, are things really that easy? Is it really not so big as we picture it in our heads? Can we really deal with everything that comes our way? a week back or even yesterday, I would have said- No! We need the strength. Not everybody has it in them to deal with the worst of the situations. But ask me today and I would say- HELL YES!!
What does it take? Some time. Some one to vent all the anger out to. Just letting go of the all the clogged up thoughts. Just have them in front of you! All the facts, all the feelings. Everything. Right in front of you, tangibly.
Time. Well, who hasn't heard "time heals all wounds"! I have and so have you. The important questions is how many of us believe that time has such power. Very few. The out and out optimistic ones. Maybe the practical ones too. But for the rest of us, its a little hard to believe until we experience it for ourselves. It may take an year or maybe 3(oh yes, it took me 3 years to get over the way things are) to finally have the load off your chest, to have the freedom of not having every single moment devoted to that one thought or thing, to finally breath. Maybe you just get used to the situation after so much time has passed you by, its just become a part of you. you can LIVE with it now.
Or maybe, quite simply, you realize its not worth it. Eh, doesn't matter, like things would ever be the same, as if they'd get better. No, they won't. What's the point getting upset.
Either of the two cases. But the realization that you don't have to put up with it comes with time. You just let go. You just give up on it all.
Or maybe you talk to some people who listen to you and finally give you a piece of their mind. After all this time being stuck with your own thoughts, your own way of looking at things, a fresh outlook and new perspective might just do the trick(yes, this helped me too). These people, their thoughts they just pull you out. Really. I have a few of them, and I am grateful for that. while letting it all out at once is also a relief, you like the feeling of security you get from knowing someone cares enough to listen to you. You get to make room for a lot of new thoughts too, once you let all the old ones out.
But somehow, even making peace with things, even letting go of them won't let you forget that something like this existed. Its like the scar that a deep cut leaves behind(ooh, now that's a tad bit too dramatic). But yes you won't forget that any of this happened. It will be there still. But, you won't feel the old familiar feeling of pain anymore. You might even ask yourself- Am I not supposed to get hurt by this? You would. Honestly. I know. I ask myself this. Every time something reminds me of it. But I am all better now.
This can quite simply be a mood swing. The pendulum must've got stuck at the optimistic me, the positive me. I might even get back to my skeptic-self in a matter of hours after writing this. I am aware of this. So, I just felt like putting this thought out so that one day I can make myself believe things aren't always so grey. If I can see the light, if I can see the strength for long enough and make myself believe in it too, then maybe I can make this a more permanent state of mind. But, still a MAYBE.
P.S. Some of my old friends who have known me like this, dealing with stuff, think I am in denial. Thing there is something wrong with me, bigger than this. Its really funny how people won't believe it when you tell them you are a-okay!
4 comments:
I don't think there's anything melodramatic about the 'scar' analogy. I've been using it for years. And the good thing about scars is that they get sore easily the next time a similar situation is developing, so you can take steps to avoid it if you want to. Scars are real experience builders.
It seems to me you're a highly sensitive person who feels experiences more intensely than most. I should know; I'm the same. And that's why I've got used to most people not understanding. People can't know what a feeling is like if they don't feel it. I think you'll probably live! Glad you're in an OK phase at the moment. Life can be a bit of a rollercoaster for sensitive people.
Nice to see my favourite picture back on your Facebook panel, by the way. Mysterious!
I just feel sometimes if I am feeling way too much. I heard someone say the other day that our generation exaggerates its feelings. That's why I thought if maybe 'scar' was too much. (I should probably stop giving too much weight to what everyone else says) Experience Builders. Ah, yes. Experience! maybe, I'll become tougher for later. :) That's one thing that gives me satisfaction. That I'm getting ready for something bigger.
yeah, I get upset way too quickly. :\ I think I'll survive too. No other choice, right! I'm feeling better.
Ah, thanks(for the picture). :)
Swati, i really liked wat u wrote - positive :)
n yes, its perfectly ok if the memory of its existence stays in ur head! otherwise how else will u remember not to stumble on something similar if tries coming in ur way in the future!
n its a wonderful feeling to let go, not everyone can do it. So be proud of ur decision and stick to it, uve taken the first step, now dont go back, u'l enjoi ur journey, or as JJ says - the rollercoaster ride! there so much to look forward to, n wats better abt it is the fact tht we dont noe wat lies ahead :)
yup. I plan on sticking to this. I don't want to stumble onto something like this ever again. One time is enough. That's why I have decided to stay a little closed up from now on.
Not knowing what lies ahead. That is scary! :)
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